Between Heaven and Earth

This is a story I wrote for my English class last semester. It's  based on the relationship I had with my stand in father 'David' and what it was like for me after he died. If you have ever lost a loved one, I hope as you read this, you will remember that there is always something to live for. For me, it was the belief that David lived on through my music. Every song I write is a tribute to his memory. Your loved one never left, they are just waiting for you on the other side...   

Between Heaven and Earth

“You left me! You left me alone just like everyone else has! How could you leave me like this?! What am I supposed to do now? I trusted you, I loved you!”

    Thunder crashes. I sit on my bed, clutching my pillow to my chest. I choke on the words as they scream out from the pit of my stomach. My eyes are raw from wiping the tears away, but still they come - as painful as the sharp knife cutting through my heart. Rain pounds on my window and I am afraid for a moment that it will crack.

    “You left me. How could you leave me? You told me you would see me soon. I depended on you. I needed you. I need you!”

    I close my eyes. He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s GONE! Images flash through my mind, a flash of metallic as the sunlight struck it, the rush of normal life…I hear the tires screeching, the desperate gasp, and the sickening sound of metal on metal in the full body collision. The sirens, the screams, the blood, the waiting day after day in agonizing hope…I wonder, what were you thinking in those moments when you knew it was over? Did you think of me?  At least it wasn’t your fault…

    I rock back in forth on my bed. I run my fingers through my tangled hair and pull it back violently. I reach for the zacto knife kit next to my bed.

    “I don’t want to live if you aren’t going to be here!”
     ***
    Breathe in. Breathe out. Are you breathing or are you dreaming? I try to open my eyes, but my eyelids are heavy. I feel the thunder as it shakes my room. The lights go off. Maybe I’m dead. I must be. The pain is seeping through my body. I don’t fight it. I let it sweep over me, caressing me with its sharp claws. Cloudy images float through my mind. One of them draws closer and I remember…

    ***
    “You are gonna go far with your music. Keep writing. You’ve got potential and if you keep expanding yourself, you’ll go far. That guitar of yours is an extension of who you are.”

    I smile as I read David’s words.  “I appreciate your encouragement,” I type back, “I just get so busy that well, you know, life gets in the way of my life. Lol.”

    “Excuses,” he replies, “I know that your mom is so proud of you and that she would be more than happy to help you.”

    “She does help me. She helps me make my music videos.”

    “But how many do you have? Only a few. If you want to be heard, you gotta sing loud. Two or three videos is not singing loud.”

    “I know.”

    “Well kiddo, I gotta go. Tell your mom that I love her. I’ll talk to you soon.”

    “Later, David.”

    The memory fades out and I smile. David always had encouraged me. He had taken such an interest in my life. And not just in my music - he had been involved in my academic life also.

    “Don’t hang out with a bunch of kids who do nothing but party on weekends and get drunk every other night and forget to wear condoms. Contrary to popular opinion, college life is not about partying - it’s about making a career for yourself.”

    “Oh I know. I don’t fit in with that crowd anyway. I’m kind of a loner altogether.”

    “No, you just haven’t found your niche of people yet.”

    “Lol, ok.”

    “Your mom says you’re on the dean’s list. That’s great!”

    “It’s a lot of work.”

    “All good things take work, just wait until you have a boyfriend.”

    I smile as I remember his closing statement. I had laughed and told him I would never have a boyfriend. I was a loner.

    I laugh, almost like a person possessed. As my body convulses, my pain takes advantage and pushes itself deeper into my body. I lift my head off the wet pillow.  Dizzily, I stare at my hand.  Lightening flashes, lighting up my whole room. I can barely see straight but I see lots of red. I try to figure out what it is. I touch it and its sticky. Its everywhere, and I try to remember where its coming from. It’s coming from everywhere. I fall back on my pillow, too tired to move. So much red…

  ***
    “So, tell me about this boy I keep hearing about.”

    I giggle and respond, “I don’t know who you are talking about.”

    “Oh come on, your mom told me.”

    “His name is Andrew. He talks to me a lot after class.”

    “I’ll bet he does. Pretty girl like you. You tell him he better watch himself. I’ll come knocking on his door.”

    “David…”

    “Yes, Harmony?”

    “I know you love my mom, and I know that she doesn’t feel the same way about you even though she cares for you very much.”

    “Yes, I do love her.”

    “David…?”

    “Yes, Harmony?”

    “I wish you could be my new stepfather.”

    “I wish I could too. I would take care of you all and try to repair the hurt that was done to your family. But, you can’t make someone love you. Right now, you’re mom needs a friend and I am more than willing to be that.”

    “Mom says you are coming home for the summer.”

    “You betcha, and its gonna be awesome. We’ll plan so many things.  Well Harmony, I gotta go. But I’m so proud of you, and I will see you soon!”

    No, no you won’t see me soon. You will never see me now. My whole life, I had gotten used to people leaving me. No one ever stayed when they said they would and the only thing I ever learned from my stepfather was that I wasn’t good enough and that love always hurt. Then David came into my life and showed me different. But now, he too was gone. Rain, rain, go away….

    Breathe out. Breathe in. What did he say? I’m so proud of you. I sob. My heart bursts with emotion. With each beat, my bed gets redder, wetter…

    “You would never be proud of me now.”

    I have a choice. 

    You have a choice. Make me proud.
    “No! I don’t want to live without you! I can’t bear that you are gone! I can’t deal with it!”

    I’m so proud of you.

    “Then come back!”

    I never left. Live your life. Then come and see me.

    I struggle with my pain and with my thoughts.  I loved you so much.

    I love you, too.

    I can hear the storm subsiding outside.  Breathe in. Breathe out.  I open my eyes.

    I don’t have to lose you. I can keep you with me. I move my hand and touch my guitar. After all, music is the bridge between earth and heaven.

    The lights come back on.