Ravven's Private Thoughts On What It Means To Serve The Lord

We've all heard it: As Christians, we must worship and serve the Lord. We've heard it in Sunday school, in church, in bible studies, and among friends and relatives. We are made to serve the Lord. We are made for the calling of His purpose, and we are to serve Him with all our heart, all our soul, and with all our might. We are meant to seek after Him and to find out what He made us for.

We also know this: We are precious beings in the arms of Christ. The Lord loves us and made each of us for a specific purpose. As an individual, we are designed for something that no one else can do. Think about how awesome that is. There is something in this world that only you can do; not your mother, your sibling, your neighbor, or your friend. You. You are made for greatness. How beautiful is that?

As growing Christians, we learn that to serve the Lord means to seek after His will. We are to follow His laws and commandments, love everyone around us, and follow in the ways of Christ. But what does it really mean to serve Him? To actually serve Him? We all lead busy lives. We all get caught up in the moment. Yes, we may pray and ask Him to show us the way we are meant to go. Sometimes He shows us right away and sometimes we must wait on Him. A lot of times things happen that get in the way or become distracting. They may upset us, make us laugh, bewilder us, or frustrate us. This brings me to my next point.

I believe that nothing happens by accident. All those things that you call accident or coincidence, I call meant to be. That song that was playing on the radio when you turned it on was there for a reason. That news that you just read about, you read for a reason. That person that was rude to you was put there for a reason. That man who didn't have money in his account to buy lunch was put there for a reason. Everything that goes on around you affects you, even if its just subconsciously. So why are all these things happening to us?

Think about what it means to serve the Lord with all your heart, all your soul, and with all your might. Next, think about what it means to be such a precious treasure to Christ. Now ponder all the 'accidents and coincidences' that happen in a day. Finally, I'd like you to squish all that together. Do you see what I'm getting at?

See, serving the Lord means a lot more than just praying and being Christlike. We have so much potential, so much love, and so much fire when we are in love with Christ. God doesn't just want to use us whenever it's handy. He thinks we are so divine, so amazing, so precious that He wants to use us 24/7. He wants to use all our potential, not just the obvious gifts we each have. He wants to use every single part of us. He doesn't want anything about us to go to waste because we are that amazing to Him. Digest that for a moment.

Serving the Lord means to be ready for Him at a moments notice. We don't know the next time and place that God plans on using us. That means we have to be mentally, emotionally, and even physically ready for Him all the time. That song on the radio may have lyrics that will uplift you for the day. The news, though sad and disturbing, may be just the right news for your gentle heart to pray for. That person who was rude to you may be there to remind you to always be kind and compassionate to others. The man who couldn't afford his lunch may need desperate prayer that God knows you are capable of giving. It may even be a chance to give back to the Lord by blessing that man with his lunch after all.

When you surround yourself with the Holy Spirit, he brings things into your life that will enrich you, break you, and mold you. However, you have to recognize them.

This semester at college has been one of the hardest so far, but one of the best I will ever have. The Lord has truly blessed me with rewards for my hard work. He brought amazing people into my life that have helped me grow spiritually and as a person. I realized that when I acknowledged Him for everything going on, He brought events into my life because He wanted to use me. I am so precious to Him that He gave me friends and hard classes so that I can be used better for Him. I have had so many opportunities to share His love and grace with people and to let them know Who He is and what He has done.Yeah, it's been a struggle. But I can honestly say that I am so in love with Him that it doesn't matter. He's totally worth it.

I believe that to serve the Lord truly and faithfully, we must always be ready. It doesn't just mean seeking after Him for the bigger picture. It means seeking after Him in all the small things, too. To answer with a gentle tongue, to love unconditionally, to pray for those around us. I ask you to please be aware of what goes on around you. You can't shut the world out because it may disturb you or make you feel uncomfortable! Pray for those broken faces! Take time to say a friendly word! Be kind to those who might grate on your nerves! Listen carefully to what you're being told and seek the Lord in all of these! You are meant to feel sad about that bad news on tv because God made your tender heart to pray for that! Think before you speak! You can't take those words back, nor can you give them out after being silent once the moment has passed. Look for how you can serve the Lord in all the aspects of your life! From the moment you wake up, to the moment you fall asleep, serve the Lord. In the end, it's all the small tings you do that count. Think about it.

I'm far from a perfect person, and I find these things hard to do myself. Sometimes it gets overwhelming to always be ready for Him at a moments notice. However, it is so worth it! I plan on truly serving the Lord in every little thing I do. I'm going to fail many, many times. That's why God brought these friends into my life - so I can have help getting back up.

I had to speak what was on my heart. I am so in love with Him. I hope that you are, too...


May the frets be with you.

Ravven's Private Thoughts On Love

What is love? Is it some inexplicable feeling that comes and goes as it pleases? Is it truly blind? And why must it cause so much pain? And is it worth the pain?

In the Merriam Webster Dictionary, there are several definitions of love. The first one covers almost everything:

'a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests love for his old schoolmates'

Love is among the top most things that the human species has ever been written about. Countless ballads, poems, fairytales and books are dedicated to showing what true love really is, whether the love is between God and human, husband and wife, parent and child, siblings, or lovers. In the old days, you read about the knight in shining armor who risked everything to be with his lady love. It was innocent and pure.

Unfortunately for us today, love has been taken and twisted from what it was originally meant to be. Magazines, books, tv shows, and movies convince us that sex equals love and many young people proclaim deep love for each other as soon as they enter a relationship. First of all, sex does not equal love. That is what is known as lust. It comes and goes and it can attract you to anything and anyone. When it's over, it's over and you have just given yourself way...again. And for what? When you have relations just because it feels good or looks good and there is no deep love, affection, or care, it's just lust. Secondly, I can't tell you how often I see the young people on my page get together and break up with in weeks and still call it love. That's not real love. That's what used to be called a crush, or puppy love.

I am not claiming to be an expert on love and what it is about. However, I can tell you this - love is something divine. It is the feeling of giving everything away for your object of affection. To be that all in all, to provide, to care for, to support, and to honor. In my own life, love is not just a feeling.

Love is a way of life.

The human creature was designed with the ability to love and be loved. The greatest thing a person can do is to love. It is not easy to do at times. I live with five brothers and do I feel the love everyday? Not by far. But if you want a love that stays, if you want something real to hold onto, then you have to give it out. Give it out even if you don't get it back, because you never know who you will touch. When you turn love into a way of life, you know that it's there, you know it exists and you know that someday, someone will love you.

They say you can't help who you love and maybe that is true. I believe you can choose to love a fellow man, but I don't believe you can choose to fall in love with one. I think it just happens. Many people say love is blind. I don't believe love is blind in the essence that it cannot see your faults. When you are dedicated to someone, you see their faults and love them despite that. You recognize that they are not perfect and love them anyway. You find an imperfect person, perfect simply because you accept them for who they are. That is true love. You stick with them despite the arguments, mistakes, and misunderstandings. You find a way to make it work because you can't imagine life without that person. They are worth the fight.

But sometimes love really bites. It can hurt so bad that you think you can't go on, when you lose someone dear to you, when someone you love walks away, or, and possibly the worst one, you love someone and they just don't feel the same way.

All things that bring joy, bring pain. It's just the way life is. Love is no different. I think the important thing to remember is that depsite the pain, there will be another chance. What's important is that you were able to feel those feelings. The real problem is when you become so jaded and hard that you can no longer give or receive love. While yes, you need to guard your heart and choose carefully what you do, it's important to recognize your feelings and face them rather than hide and pretend they aren't there. In the long run, hiding your feelings will cause more pain than laying them out on the table. Even if they aren't reciprocated, it's always better to know rather than to spend your life wondering 'what if'.

So is it worth it? Yes. Think about all the good memories you have. How could you ever regret that? Never regret loving someone whether they be lover, family member, or friend. We are meant to love.

I know what it's like to live without love and to hunger for it and never get it. I think we all do to some extent. That's why love is so precious to me. I want to give love to everyone because everyone deserves to feel it. You should never have to go without it. Love is not to be toyed with or flung around and misused, but neither is to be kept hidden and locked up. You must look inside yourself and find your own balancing point.

Choose wisely and act carefully, but never be afraid to love. Love is divine.

So are you.

'Beloved, let us also love one another, for love is of God....' 1John 4:7a


May the frets be with you.

A White Heron in Poetry form

The shiest of smiles, such sparkling eyes -
Such gray, such bright, such beautiful eyes! -
Young Sylvy runs through the misty night,
Such a graceful body with a gait so light.
She's chasing the cow that must be near;
'Co' Co', C'o Co', please come here!'
Mistress Molly snorts, such a clever cow -
Learned to hide and silence her bell.
Sylvy guides her back to her grandma's home
And they walk together, yet all alone.
The house sits back, away from the world,
Deep in the forest lives this shy little girl.
When, suddenly, a whistle, Sylvy hears,
And she begins to quake inside with fear,
As a young man walks close with a gun on his back.
He says, 'Hello little girl, come talk to me lass.'
Sylvy stays quiet, but then murmurs her name.
She takes him to grandma who invites him to stay.
Each day he goes out in search of new birds,
Young Sylvy goes with him and he fills her with words
Of the land whence he came, so full of life!
Adventure and romance fill up her mind.
But suddenly snaps back to this world when she sees,
The hard steel of the gun kill the bird that was free.
As it falls to the ground, feathers covered in blood,
In Sylvy's big heart, the emotions all flood.
How can she love someone who brings death to this place?
But how can she not when he offers escape?
Little by little, the hunter tells Sylvy more
Says he'll give her ten dollars and open up doors
To adventure and freedom that she never has known,
If she'll just tell him where the white heron has flown.
Such torment and chaos fill this poor child's mind!
Could she betray a creature that is of her own kind?
She winds through the forest, running fast, breathing deep.
She has to decide which promise to keep.
She reches the tree that is mighty and tall.
The heron's within it, but she could so easily fall.
She grasps the tree hard and climbs up its boughs.
She slips, holds tight, wipes the sweat from her brows.
When she reaches the top, the sun rises and peaks
There thw white heron stands, so strong, yet so meek.
As the light pushes past the forest, she sees
The ocean, the freedom, the world that she seeks.
She vows to keep quiet and let the white heron live.
She forgets all the things that the young man can give.
Birds are better friends than man, so they say.
The men will all leave, but the birds will remain.
She goes back to her life and the young man moves on
But sometimes she still hears him in the dusk or the dawn.
His whistle is haunting in the crisp, misty air
And sometimes she regrets her choice to not share.
So nature, remember this poor little girl.
Recall what she gave up to save your own world,
Remember her suffering, let her eyes please behold,
The gifts that you have that no one else could know.

Based on 'A White Heron' by Sarah Orne Jewett

Jewett, Sarah Orne. "A White Heron". The American Tradition in Literature. 12th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2009. Print.

Ah ha

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong, is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

Lola

I have been car-less for a very long time. It was getting to be rather depressing. I needed rides everywhere, and if I couldn't get the ride, I just stayed at home. I've had to miss out on a lot of things my friends were doing, because of this.

Everything changed over spring break.

There is a classic rock song called 'Lola'. It goes 'L-O-L-A Lola. La la la la Lola.' The song is very catchy and I thought Lola was a very cute name, and I decided I would use that name someday (It was a little later that I found out that the song is about a man that looked like a woman).

So...(dun dun dun dun)

I would like to introduce you to Lola, the car that is the color of rootbeer (which happens to be my favorite soda). She is a 2000 Ford Contour and a very stellar ride (I will get pictures up eventually). Finally (actually, about time) I have a car. I am a very happy camper in this respect.

Lola. It's a good song. You should look it up (or I could be smart and just post it).

May the frets be with you.

9 through 16

Things To Do When I'm Bored #9:
Scoop up armfuls of snow, throw it in the air and shout 'PARTY TIME!'

Things To Do When I'm Bored #10:
Walk up to the person in the Art Gallery who is looking at the geometric spiral drawings and whisper 'Are you getting sleepy yet?'

Things To Do When I'm Bored #11:
Wave at every single security camera that I see.

Things To Do When I Am Bored #12:
Get to class early and turn all the desks around so they are backwards.

Things To Do When I'm Bored #13:
Go for a walk.

(What a novel idea)

Things to Do When I Am Bored #14:
Contemplate the person sitting right next to me and attempt to distinguish whether it is a boy or a girl.

Things To do When I Am Bored #15:
Walk into the library and say, 'Hello! Where is the snack bar at?'

Things To Do When I'm Bored #16:
Sit at a computer in the library and then pop up at the person across from me and yell, "HIDE AND SEEK! YOUR TURN!"

Spring Break

Thank God for spring break. I have two more classes today and then I am home free for 11 whole days. I have set up some dates to meet with some very important factors: sleep, eat, sleep again, and sing.

I know it sounds horrifically lazy, but that's what spring break is for, right? Actually, what I really hope to do is write and record a few more songs. Oh, and also find my camera computer cord. Without it, there would be no point to recording because I need to plug in my camera to get the recordings on the computer.

I think I'll also work on some papers ahead of time. I have a lot of bigger papers coming up and God knows I don't want to fall behind any. All of my professors are extremely demanding .

Speaking of falling behind.

Someone just told me that we lose an hour of sleep this Sunday (and of course it had to be my boyfriend to tell me such depressing news). So watch out everyone, don't oversleep on yourselves. Its a shame that it couldn't wait til next week--after spring break. But I guess it's good that it's occuring now. It gives me time to get used to it before school starts again. I have a sleeping disorder, so it is hard for me to fall asleep and stay asleep. A new schedule definitely needs time to be broken in.

So, I may not write here again until after spring break is over.

Happy Spring Break to all my fellow college students! I hope you have a simply awesome one.

May the frets (and the nice weather) be with you.

Cars

Today I am supposed to update my blog. I have a killer headache and can't think of anything funny or interesting to say. (i'm on a roll, huh?) Frankly, this is getting ridiculous.

I guess I can tell you about the Cleveland Auto Show. I went there this Sunday with my boyfriend and my 16 year-old brother. It started off really well. We got there around noon and planned to leave by four. There were lots of pretty cars and cool exhibits and raffles. My brother perpetually got himself lost, throwing my boyfriend and I into panic attacks. We got to ride in some new cars which was pretty nifty. However, as the day wore on, I became very, very tired and hungry (and I wasn't willing to pay $3.50 for a hot dog the food vendors were selling, and 5hour energy had almost no effect on me). Although my ever geeky boyfriend attempted to rekindle the flame of excitement by pointing out some new, extra cool features on one car, the fire was simply gone. My brother felt the great need to sit in almost every car he saw. He is a huge car fanatic. His dream is to design cars for Ford. Needless to say, he was in 7th heaven all day long.

So...

We ended up being there eight hours. It was long day and a long trip, but it was well worth it. Next year, I might prefer driving my own, separate car there so that I can leave when I get tired. If you're a girl then you understand...boys and their toys...what can you do?

May the frets be with you.

Word

Hiphimobut v. (hí • phi • mo • but)

The act of wollering.


Wollar adj. (wha • luhr)

Being so stellar, all you can say is 'word'.

And the maiden cried,
'It's over now, I see that I have lost myself.
Consumed by works of nobler deeds,
My own existence does not exceed
The statutes I set before myself.

I wonder that I even tried.
Still, deep inside my weary wandering mind,
Amid the tangled mess of life,
I am awake enough to say quite clear:
I found myself out of your fear!'

Blank

I have absolutely nothing to say. Shocker, I know. But really, I have nothing to talk about.

The weather is cold.

My homework's a bore.

There, I'm done.

I have been working on new music, now that I think of it. I really should upload some newer (and frankly better) videos of my music to YouTube:

	http://www.youtube.com/user/madeformusic...

I'm just too lazy, and my camera is too much of a pain to upload to do it on a regular basis. What I should do is upload one for every day, just set my camera up to upload the video over night. I'm pretty sure I know 365 songs, or at least close to it. If you choose to grace me with your viewing on YouTube, please be kind to me. I am not being sarcastic, I actually really mean it. Most of my recordings on my channel were done at two or three in the morning, so the quality leaves much to be desired. However, maybe you'll hear or see something I don't. Who knows? (meanwhile, I cringe at the thought)

Have a fantastic, blessed day!

May the frets be with you.

Break The Box... And Then Crush It

This semester, I am taking sociology. I actually like it very much. It is, in fact, my favorite class. It's kind of funny because when I was signing up for my classes this semester, I was ecstatic over my psychology course and a little miffed about having to take the sociology course. Guess what? Hated psychology, loved sociology. (Part of the reason for my intense dislike of psychology was because of my instructor, but I'll save that for another time.)

Anyway.

We were reading about this guy. (Duh, we do a lot of reading in college, don't we?) There was a picture of this man and I found him to be utterly fascinating. He was big and burly - huge muscles! - with tiny, squinty eyes and short blond spiky hair with red streaks. His arms were covered in bright, colorful tattoos of animals and people and words. His face even had tattoos, along his lower lip and chin, under his eyes, along the side of his face and on his forehead. He had a bushy mustache and bushy eyebrows. On the bridge of his nose were two piercings that looked like arrows going through the bridge. He had an eyebrow piercing on each eyebrow and ear piercings as well. AND!! Listen to this: He legally changed his name to 'Scary Guy'. In short, this is not the type of guy that I would want to face on the street, night or day! However, that's categorizing him, isn't it? That's expecting him to be just like any big, burly, scary looking guy because that's what he personifies.

However.

Scary Guy breaks the rules of categorization and generalization. He has broken out of the box we tried to make him fit in. Scary Guy doesn't want to beat you up or lead a revolt. He actually just wants to be your friend. (wait, what?)

It's true. Scary Guy travels across the country, speaking to school kids promoting understanding, love, acceptance, and awareness. Scary Guy isn't scary.

I think about this when I see different kids at my school. Sometimes they are classified as punks, sometimes as emo's, and sometimes as preppies. There are dumb blonds, jocks, sluts - a whole slew of them. Its so easy to put everyone in a box. Take one look and then go, 'Oh, they are such and such.' (which makes me wonder, what exactly would I be? Other than funky and unconventional?)

I hate the phrase 'don't judge a book by it's cover'. It's so over used that it's sickening. So I am going with, 'don't underestimate the creative image of a specified person.' (I love using college sounding words). Most people are very nice. (notice, I said most, not all)

I don't know what I'm trying to say other than that I don't like being judged or put in a box. I am me. You can't generalize that because there is no other me, just as there is no other you. I wear black, but I'm not emo. I paint my finger nails the color of a rainbow, but I'm not overly girly. I wear make-up but I am definitely not fake. (actually, I'm painfully blunt and honest) I wear my brother's socks when I run out of my own, I listen to classic rock, my bedroom is always a pigsty, and I enjoy doing random things. Welcome to my world. (just be careful not to trip on the messy floor)

So, break out of your box and then crush it. Show the world who you really are (without breaking the law, preferably) and shine like a star!!

May the frets be with you.

The First Eight

Things To Do When I Am Bored #1:
Leave random, strange messages on my mother's facebook wall.

"Hi mom! I'm so happy, I could pop and shower you with yellow chocolate candy!"

(no, I don't do drugs. I wasn't high.)

Things To Do When I Am Bored #2:
Poke Steven Peter incessantly and without remorse.

"poke...poke...poke...poke...etc."

(this was also on facebook)

Things To Do When I Am Bored #3:
Stalk Mr. Joe Marino through twitter (lol)...which turns out to be incredibly easy and a little boring.

(Joe is my best friend, so no, he doesn't mind...although, he never did respond to this.)

Things To Do When I Am Bored #4:
Stand in the hall, look furtively around, and whisper quietly into my phone.

(later, one of my friends suggested i whisper into my wrist instead. I liked this idea immensely.)

Things To Do When I Am Bored #5:
Sit in the Art Gallery and stare with incurable fascination at the lady dressed in bad fur.

(the Art Gallery is called an 'Art Gallery' for a reason...)

Things To Do When I Am Bored #6:
Constantly push the handicap button to open doors for people and then smile and say 'Thank you, have a nice day!'

(please keep in mind that I come up with these ideas when I am imprisoned at my college)


Things To Do When I Am Bored #7:
Sit outside and enjoy the nice weather while being bombarded by smokers who forgot their lighter at whom I smile and say, 'Sorry, I don't smoke...I only drink.'

(no, I don't really drink. I hate alcohol.)

Things To Do When I Am Bored #8:
Put my headphones on, turn up Skillet and perform some amazing air guitar.

(Skillet is a heavy metal Christian band. They rock. Literally.)

Don't Listen To Me

Life as a college student can be a thrill ride. Then again, it can also be incredibly boring and tedious. If you have a schedule like mine, then you have a long break in the afternoon that's about two hours long, and it's the only long break you have. If you're creative or have a lot of friends, you can usually find something to occupy your time other than homework. However, my schedule doesn't coincide with any of my friend's schedules and I get become easily bored with facebook and twitter.

So...

I've come up with a plan to combat my boredom. Each day I am at school, I will come up with one or two ridiculous things I can do for fun without getting in trouble...at least, I hope I can avoid the trouble....

I do not suggest that you follow in my footsteps. I don't want any irate parents, professors, or fellow students to bring hell upon my head. Therefore, this is my disclaimer: DON'T DO IT! Just read about me doing it and live it vicariously. It's much safer that way, and you won't suffer any bodily harm that may be inflicted upon me.

It started off simple enough. Now I find that my obnoxious side has surfaced and I'm beginning to learn what it's like to 'dance like nobody is watching'...and if they are watching, I'm learning not to care quite so much.

May the frets be with you.

The Noticer

We've been studying Mark Twain in Humanities class. One thing my professor pointed out was that Mark Twain was a 'noticer' and she encouraged us to be noticers as well. Now, people fascinate me. I always want to figure out how they work and why they do what they do. Becoming a 'noticer' was not hard for me to do because I already pay a lot of attention to things. Here's a tip for all you writers: Pay attention to your surroundings. Pay attention to the way things sound, feel, taste, and look like so that you can describe it more accurately in your prose. If you've ever read Mark Twain, then you are aware of how descriptive he was. In 'Huckleberry Finn', he captured the essence of Americanism in that day, both in the language of the people and how they lived. He had talent for portraying things the way they really were. Part of being a good writer is making it seem real. Instead of writing, 'The air smelled like grease' you could write, 'The air was heavy and sticky with grease making it hard to breathe easily.' Which sentence paints a more mental image for you?

I love details. I love having things explained, even if it means taking something apart and dissecting it myself. The question and answer format used in most writing styles is also found in song writing.

In my own songwriting, I try to capture a real problem and give a definitive answer. It could be about religion, faith, politics, education, war, or peace. It can be hard to get exactly what I want when I am rhyming lines and trying to make smooth stanzas, bridges, and choruses. However, If I know exactly what I want to say in one particular song, I simply pinpoint that idea and separate related ideas or views. I just wrote a song about how easy it is to lose sight of what's important, and what I was referring to was God. No worries, I'm not going to preach at you. My whole point here is that you have to figure out what it is you want to pinpoint. In order to be a good noticer, you must first notice yourself.

What do I know, I'm just a poor college student. Although, I know that macroeconomics is the study of aggregate economic behavior focusing on employment, inflation, and economic growth. I also know that if you are still reading this, I must not have bored you too much, and that's always a stellar thing.

So, go notice and be noticed...in a good way.

May the frets be with you.

My Valentine

Removed by User.

Thank You Jesus

Yes, I got my second chance...

May the frets be with you.

Two Realities

Its hard, sometimes, to separate what we choose to believe from the true reality. Its easier to believe lies and live in your own reality. Of course, then you world slowly falls apart because it's been built on lies and it has no real foundation to rely on. But what is harsher - having your reality ripped away, or continuing to live in it without ever realizing what you're missing?

I'm glad I live in a real reality. Yes, my own reality is much nicer and softer and exactly what I need. Or is it? It is what I choose to believe is good for me. There are so many harsh things in true reality that I come to face with. Though I wouldn't see them in my own dream, I would never have the experience to grow, to overcome, to thrive, to become. I would become a vegetable, never having to exercise my brain or body --and that I could not bear.

However, I've come to find that in CERTAIN aspects of reality, it is safer to retreat back into my own. In times of duress and pain, surrounded by the constant needs and wants of others, I can receed slightly into my own reality and downplay the pains, murmurs, heartbreaks, and gasps for breath that I myself endure. I can make them become almost unreal. The sad part is when they become too real for my fake world and they enter the real one and I realize I shouldn't be downplaying them. However I never learn, and I stuff them back. I have no time nor do I have any desire to focus on myself. It is the last thing I want to do.

So where do I go now? I go to sleep. That's the beautiful thing about tomorrow. It's as if today never happened. It is only a faint recollection of the mind, and the mind is a faulty, undependable mediator between yesterday and today. So I sleep...and I dream...and I awake and decide that today is not the day to think of myself, it is the day to think of others. I, myself, am not that important, nor am I that fragile and weak that I need the attention. I may want it, desperately want it, but my selflessness will always win.

So where do I go now? I go to sleep so I can wake up and pretend that today never happened.



May the frets be with you.

Please Give Me A Second Chance

What do you do when you make the biggest mistake of your life and you know everything you've worked for can disappear...just...like...that?

I did something very, very stupid. I knew it was stupid when I was doing it but I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't care. Now I have to deal with the pain and uncertainty and guilty conscious as I wait to find out whether my actions will have the expected reprecussion or if I'll walk away with a very valuable lesson and a second chance.

I am praying, praying, praying for a second chance.

I know what I did was wrong and I am dying inside because of what could happen. I could lose everything--my family, my friends, my future. The shame of my poor choices would be incapable for me to bear, because I have so many looking up to me. I am afraid I would run away, or possibly commit suicide. And I would never be able to look at my changed future with the same kind of love and acceptance, and that would be unfair to my future. So I pray, Dear LORD, please, please, please spare the child... I will NEVER make the same mistake again, I swear. Please, I beg in the name of Jesus, please let me walk away with a valuable lesson and a second chance. Jesus Christ, please hear me, hear Your child and deliver me from my fevered brain and broken body.

I don't know what I'll do if I am denied a second chance. I suppose I will just pic up the pieces and try to start over...maybe somewhere else, amongst other people...

May the frets be with you.

Love

Love is always patient and kind.

It is never jealous.

Love is never boastful or conceited.

Love is pure and is never rude or selfish.

It does not take offense and is not resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in other people's pain, but tries to offer relief.

Love always sees the best and refuses to give up.

It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

♥ This is love ♥

The Right Direction

Its dangerous to stop in mid stride. Your smooth trail is broken as you stumble and come to a sharp halt. You find yourself noticing all the flaws that are in your path. You begin to question why you chose this path at all. You stand there as other people walk around you, throwing dirty looks over their shoulders because you have interrupted their day. You stare at the sky. Then you stare at the road. You gaze at the people and wonder why that woman thought that dress was attractive or why that man chose his hairstyle. You notice a wafting distraction and you lift your nose into the air and sniff. You smell coffee and grease and gas. Your revelations are interrupted by the obnoxious honking of an irate driver. 'Hurry up!' he yells, and you watch as he gestures in frustration. Over your shoulder, you hear a babbling teenager. 'I told him to get a life. I don't need a jerk for a boyfriend.' She passes you and you watch and listen as her friends cheer on her decision. 'I said I wanted that deal done today!' You whip your head to the right and spy a woman in a sleek black business suit walking gracefully in her high heels while sniping into her cellphone. Her lips are drawn tight and there is murder in her eyes. You shudder as she passes you and you look up and say a silent prayer thanking God you are not the unfortunate on the other end of the line. To the left you hear a loud buzzing. Across the street, you can see a construction crew working in the hot sun. The workers bare arms are shiny from sweat and their clothes are smeared with tar and grime. The shrill, grating sound of a bull horn causes you to wince. The sulfur reeks and you wrinkle you're nose as a sudden gust of wind blows it your way. You take in the world that is in front of you and all around you. You take in all it's flaws and all it's perfections. Your eyes are drawn back to yourself, back to your own path. You focus your senses on yourself and realize that you have been standing there for quite sometime. You look behind you and see your smooth gait from before. You walked easy and light, evenly and without hesitation. Now you've stopped. You look ahead of you once again. You remember why you chose this path. What was the reason, what is the reason you walk this way? Only you know. You know it and it burns inside you, reigniting your fire and zest for life. You put your hands in your pocket, look down at the pavement, and smirk at yourself. You look up, raise your right foot and place it down in front of your left foot. Once again, you begin walking, easy, light, and without hesitation....

It's dangerous to stop mid stride. Yes, it's very dangerous because when you trip and then stop, you begin to doubt. You doubt your intentions, your motivations, and your choices.

However, sometimes coming to a sharp halt is the best thing. If you are able to look around and observe all that you are not...and still continue on your way, laughing at the doubts that briefly clouded your mind; if you are able to pick up straight where you left off and continue on the same way; if you are able to remember why you started in the first place and if that motivation is still your driving force--then you know you are headed in the right direction.

May the frets be with you.