Two Realities

Its hard, sometimes, to separate what we choose to believe from the true reality. Its easier to believe lies and live in your own reality. Of course, then you world slowly falls apart because it's been built on lies and it has no real foundation to rely on. But what is harsher - having your reality ripped away, or continuing to live in it without ever realizing what you're missing?

I'm glad I live in a real reality. Yes, my own reality is much nicer and softer and exactly what I need. Or is it? It is what I choose to believe is good for me. There are so many harsh things in true reality that I come to face with. Though I wouldn't see them in my own dream, I would never have the experience to grow, to overcome, to thrive, to become. I would become a vegetable, never having to exercise my brain or body --and that I could not bear.

However, I've come to find that in CERTAIN aspects of reality, it is safer to retreat back into my own. In times of duress and pain, surrounded by the constant needs and wants of others, I can receed slightly into my own reality and downplay the pains, murmurs, heartbreaks, and gasps for breath that I myself endure. I can make them become almost unreal. The sad part is when they become too real for my fake world and they enter the real one and I realize I shouldn't be downplaying them. However I never learn, and I stuff them back. I have no time nor do I have any desire to focus on myself. It is the last thing I want to do.

So where do I go now? I go to sleep. That's the beautiful thing about tomorrow. It's as if today never happened. It is only a faint recollection of the mind, and the mind is a faulty, undependable mediator between yesterday and today. So I sleep...and I dream...and I awake and decide that today is not the day to think of myself, it is the day to think of others. I, myself, am not that important, nor am I that fragile and weak that I need the attention. I may want it, desperately want it, but my selflessness will always win.

So where do I go now? I go to sleep so I can wake up and pretend that today never happened.



May the frets be with you.