Nevermore

Once upon a past so frightful, when the world was all but spiteful
And treated me with painful jabbing lies  - no love to sow
While I plodded, barely breathing, came a dream so unbelieving,
Though my heartbreak seemed so unending, an ending it clearly showed.
'Tis just a dream,' I muttered, venting, 'A dream from long ago.
Yes, just a dream from long ago.'

But the dream - it ceased to haunt me. Captivated, how it bound me!
For I dreamed of a hopeful, lovely life - no sorrow sown.
And on I plodded, unbelieving, though I knew twas not deceiving -
A brand new chapter I was beginning - gleaming not unlike the snow.
Said I, deeply hesitating, 'Perhaps this dream is something more.
Perhaps...indeed is something more.'

But sorrow drowned my outlook, and how deeply then my soul shook
For love to me was nothing more than a beating and a bruise.
And so I toiled trying, to prevent the heat and heart from dying
And how he tried to stop me dreaming, screaming cold abuse.
Screamed I, sorely shaken, 'Take away my life - it's just a ruse!
Just a sad and lonely ruse..'

That night I dreamed of running, fleeing heavy blows so stunning
And I came to a place where people knew me naught as pain, but Ravven.
I was so strong and overcoming - no more my self harm unbecoming
I was safe within my freedom - hidden from the brutish Craven.
Woke I feverish with slumber, 'Ravven...
In my heart I am the Ravven!'

Out I crept softly in the morning, heart palpitations pounding
The dream was real - the chains of sorrow bound to me no more!
And oh, he caught me fleeing, but I wrestled and started screaming
'You cannot have me, you will never have me, you have never - Oh!'
Quoth I, the Ravven, 'Nevermore!
I shall be free for evermore!

My wingtips blackened from the night, caught the wind and caught the light
And whisked me from the hands that wished to stake my soul.
That place became my burial site, for a brand new Ravven came to life
And when they question what my name and life is called heretofore,
I answer, 'I am Ravven, evermore.
I shall be broken nevermore!'

 

I am a huge fan of Edgar Allen Poe and the name Ravven has special meaning to me, so I thought I could honor both in the poem.

...

Please take some time to check out the other blogs participating in the September challenge!

http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/

http://diaryofamotorhead.wordpress.com/

http://rsliwa.wordpress.com/

http://squeezingthefruit.blogspot.com/

http://heidibethbaker.weebly.com/blog/ages

Men of Might

I am the oldest of seven. The age difference between my siblings and I did not affect our relationship as I have seen with so many other large families. Rather, it brought us together and gave us a bond that no one can ever break or even begin to comprehend.

So, to begin with, there is McIntosh - Mac for short. He is the oldest after me and someone I confidently call my best friend. He is artistic, compassionate, stubborn, opinionated, caring, resolute, and a RMH (Random Motor Head). Mac has come to an age where he must find himself - or at least some footing - so that he can begin his brand new adult life. I know he struggles with many decisions and feels torn about where he should go. I hope he will always follow his heart and search deep in himself for what he needs before looking outward.

Then comes Braeburn. Dear beloved, misunderstood, longing to be loved and accepted Braeburn. He is also very artistic - he creates beautiful computer graphic pictures. He admins online for many gaming sites and is very active in the developmental field of computer gaming. His talks are intellectual, his writing is that of an old soul poet, and his heart is pure gold. He will bring you in so close and then suddenly close his heart and mentally fortify his mind. He struggles to make sense of the wrongs he has seen.

Braeburn is followed by Fortune. Fortune, I feel, is the overlooked middle child. He tries so hard to follow in the shadow of his older siblings, struggling to capture his own identity. However, a kinder soul I have yet to meet. He meets the world with quiet grace. He doesn't speak much but when he does, you would do well to listen. His eyes take in all around him. A bit of a drama king sometimes, he nonetheless offers color to his surroundings. He is at the awkward age between young adult and child - a difficult place to be waffling between childhood fancies and mature hobbies.

Now my darling JonaGold. From his birth, JonaGold and I never parted. He stole a part of my soul and I have not felt the same since my family moved away. Sarcasm should be his middle name. For a nine year old, his humor often catches me off guard but also makes me proud. He excels in his classes and is very charismatic therefor not having any trouble making friends. He is also opinionated like his elder brother Mac, and he is not afraid to let people know how he feels. He likes to learn and read and nothing thrilled me more than our long talks on the subject of wizards and dragons.

Precious Cortland. Perhaps the sweetest most loving little being that walks this earth, Cortland contains that special magic that makes you just fall in love with him. His innocence and wide eyes cause me to believe in the world again. He loves to go to school and play gameboy and is practically inseparable from his younger sister, HoneyCrisp. He enjoys playing chess and does exceptionally well for a young child. His determination to learn and grow cannot be outmatched. I know that only wonderful things await Cortland in the coming years.

And now we come to our spunky HoneyCrisp. She is loved by everyone who meets her. She will dance her way into your heart before you even know it and pretty soon you will be answering to her beck and call. I know it has been rough on her to be the only child at home when the others are off at school. She has big brown eyes and little curls in her hair. She loves music and dancing and sings with me when I play my guitar. As of late, she has become quite the little chef, making scrumptious deserts for the family to enjoy. I wish for our darling HoneyCrisp all the love and happiness that a little girl ought to have. I hope that not a day passes without her feeling safe, comfortable, and cared for.

I love them all dearly. I love them more than life. For any of them, if I could take their pain and suffering I would do it in a heart beat. As I said before, we share a bond that transcends all mistakes or differences.

And how they grow. They grow up so fast.

And I stand here and I watch them grow and I am suddenly saddened as they make plans to leave and go their own way. Not because I am disappointed in them or because they are wrong to leave, but because I miss them so much.

And I need them. I need them as surely as the air I breathe or the blood that pumps through my veins. It is a scary thing to love someone so much, to rely upon them in such a way.

I hope they always know how much their sister cares. I hope they know I am always here.

I hope they know how much I love them. 

That will never change.

My men of might.

May the Frets be with you.

...

Please take some time to check out the other blogs participating in the September challenge!

http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/

http://diaryofamotorhead.wordpress.com/

http://rsliwa.wordpress.com/

http://squeezingthefruit.blogspot.com/

http://heidibethbaker.weebly.com/blog/ages

Lament

I realize now that the world I once lived in
was so much darker 
than I could ever begin to fathom...

The misery, the deception,
the inconceivable anguish needled into our hearts
until our true blue blood
bled so fast
it couldn't turn red. 

What a cold, hard thing
for a child to fear.

Cry, cry for the lost innocence.
Cry for the broken hearts.
Weep for a misplaced,
misconstrued sense of guilt
and self-loathing.

It was so dark.
I shivered so much.

Yet here I am, completely fine.
Untainted in the face of evil.
My face knows only sunshine
and my words only kindness and truth.
My bare feet dance in the green grass
and no man or beast dares disturb
my joyful requiem...

It makes me wonder...
am I the freak?
Am I...the evil?
If I walk away with nary a scratch?
What's wrong with me?

Stop. 
Am I really invincible?
The nightmares,
the cold sweats,
the uneasy beating of my heart
drumming in and out of rhythm
ready to burst for the pain I feel!

The invisible, horrifying truth.

Am I not so broken after all?

Is this what you see
when you look into my eyes?

For it was not just my body that was wounded,
nor just my heart.
My very soul was wounded. 

What do you see?

Do you see my darkness?

Nay, you see only the light that surrounds me.
And if you did not know me,
you would never have guessed.

My bare feet dance in the green grass.
There is nothing wrong with me.

Take your shoes off and dance with me.
I am ready to see the beauty that you do.

...


Please take some time to check out the other blogs participating in the September challenge!

http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/

http://diaryofamotorhead.wordpress.com/

http://rsliwa.wordpress.com/

http://squeezingthefruit.blogspot.com/

http://heidibethbaker.weebly.com/blog/ages

Knowledge

I know what you think you know.

Interesting, isn't it?
Such an arrogant stance,
On your part.

Have you any idea the amount
of unnecessary,
Judgementaly,
Excruciatingly exact
Pain
You have willingly
(however unknowingly)
Bestowed upon
An innocent fragmented
Soul
Once
Saved?

Of course not.

You only think you know.

Jagged Edges

The wind whispers evils in my ears,
The rain portrays my tears.
The trees reach out their craggy claws
To feed me empty fears...

I must have strayed within my sleep 
To lose myself this deep.
The path is crooked, long, and dark,
With sadness there to reap.

My head is bruised, my hand is cut,
I see the blood is pouring, but -

His voice whispers love within my ear,
Which pulls me back from here.
His fierce warmth soothes my weary soul


And kills the empty fears.

Independence

Oh independence! You are more sought after than any valuable stone, than all the world's money, than the fairest of women or handsomest of men! You are the object of desire that we strive for the minute we breathe the air of this world. Independence!

Yeah, yeah, hold that thought for like, I dunno, three paragraphs.

Of course independence is great. It gives us freedom and a sense of ownership over our lives. We live our lives trying to prove how independent we can be. We can take care of ourselves, make our own money, pay our own bills, warm our own beds, and, ultimately, live our own lives. Every part of that is true and there is nothing negative about that.

What about dependence?

"Oh my God!" I can hear you breathe in horror, 'Oh the thought! The mere idea castrates my mind! Dependence? Hell no!"

Oh independence! You are...

Yeah, hold on a little bit longer.

When we think of dependence, we often associate it with negative things or images like the 30 year old living in the basement, or the overly clingy child who won't go away! But I am here to assure you that dependence in itself is not a bad thing.

Life shattering isn't it? No, no, it's okay. Let me explain.

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary:
de·pen·dence
noun \di-ˈpen-dən(t)s\ : the state of needing something or someone else for support, help, etc.

We are taught our whole lives to be independent. The mark of a fully matured adult is displayed by the growth of his independence. However, were you ever taught about dependence? Not the ogre in the basement dependence but positive dependence?

It is okay to need people. Sometimes we grow up too fast, or something happens in our life that causes us to take up the responsibility of being independent and we never look back. We don't want help from other people because it is a sign of weakness. Or, sometimes we don't want to 'cause a problem' or 'be a burden'.  Truth is, not asking for help when you really need it is what makes you the burden. It makes you defensive, self-destructive, tired, cold, and a little pissy.

People are made to need each other. Think about it. We are social creatures in need of interaction. Do you think you are the only one to face a trial and tribulation? Dependence is what helps bring people together - just as much as independence.

Now, I am not saying run home to mommy or ask your best friend over so you can drown his or her ears in the sorrows surrounding your life. What I am saying is to be independently dependent. Recognize when you need help and take it.

That is what we are here for.

Independence, oh Independence!

Absolutely, but know that I am here if you falter.

May the Frets be with you.



Please take some time to check out the other blogs participating in the September challenge!

http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/

http://diaryofamotorhead.wordpress.com/

http://rsliwa.wordpress.com/

http://squeezingthefruit.blogspot.com/

http://heidibethbaker.weebly.com/blog/ages

Hate

Hate is a strong word. It can break a person and bring them to their knees. It can change how you perceive things and how you view people. It can bring you close to people, and it can devastatingly  tear you apart.

As a child, I was taught that 'hate' was a four letter word. That it was wrong to hate and it was wrong to say it flippantly. As a small child, I didn't understand what hate actually was. I perceived it as being 'a strong dislike'. I didn't understand why it would be wrong to say that I  'hated' something..

When I was 13, I sat on our back hall stairs, sobbed into my arms, and screamed that I hated myself.

And when I cut myself for the first time, I screamed that everyone hated me.

And when my stepfather forced me on my knees and called me rat, I silently cried that I deserved to be hated.

And when he finally let me go inside, after he finished ripping out my insides, I cried because I hated being alive.

Hate is not a four letter word. A four letter word is something you say when you are upset or because you want emphasis. When I said hate, it is because I believed it.

Now, you may be thinking, 'What about when you say you hate your job? Or you hate your life? Or you hate some person. Usually, you are just saying that for emphasis!'

Truth. And this is where I caution you.

People will tell you all the time that you should never hate and that it is wrong to have that in your life. The truth is, you are going to hate things. It is normal. It is a part of life, a part of sorrow. We are all going to hate something or, sometimes, someone. Where the negativity comes into play is how you choose to deal with that hate, that feeling you carry. That is the destructive part - not the actual feeling! If you hate something but refuse to let it destroy you or manipulate you, then you are doing it right. However, when you let the hate breed and smolder and allow it to become revenge and bitter regret, that is where it becomes wrong.

Think carefully before you speak out, especially in anger. Save your words and save yourself. Don't say you hate your job if you don't really believe that - that fuels resentment. Don't say you hate something just because you want to use a strong word - that breeds discontent and hard feelings. And don't ever say you hate someone just because you are distressed - that destroys faith and trust and causes you to become a little more jaded.

It would be nice to live a life without hate. For me, the hate I have felt in my life was caused by things that happened to me - it was a part of me for a long time. To a degree, it still is. Ultimately, I chose to hate and I chose to forgive.

This is a delicate subject for me. I know plenty of people with good intentions who would explain to me that I should not hate and that there is no need for it. While I appreciate and understand their point of view, I insist that hate has a place. I hated being beaten, so I fought it. I hated being trapped, so I rebelled. I hated being hidden, so I learned to shine.

I hated being broken, so I learned how to bend. 

I hated feeling so much hate, so I learned how to forgive.

Like anything in life, hate must be used in moderation and consideration. It can be a positive thing - a tool to become a more enlightened, positive person.

IF it is used correctly.

What role does hate play in your life? How do you view it?

May the Frets be with you.


Please take some time to check out the other blogs participating in the September challenge!

http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/

http://diaryofamotorhead.wordpress.com/

http://rsliwa.wordpress.com/

http://squeezingthefruit.blogspot.com/

http://heidibethbaker.weebly.com/blog/ages

Gravity

I wish I could fly. Just take off into that clear blue sky without a second thought. Spread my arms like a bird, or maybe go for the superman look. It would be super awesome.

Unfortunately, I'm an average human and I can't. It's that gravity thing.

Gravity is an interesting thing. While no, I can't fly, it does keep me from falling off the face of the earth. It keeps me from floating away into the great beyond and suffocating on the lack of oxygen. It keeps me stable. Solid. It also keeps me from doing retarded things because I already know that gravity will prevent it. Sometimes, I go ahead and be retarded anyway (remember, I'm an average human).

I think we have many types of 'gravity' in our lives. It could be work, health, family, children, etc. For me, I would have to say it would definitely be my fiance. He keeps me from doing some really crazy stuff (some of which I still do anyway). But he is always there to get me stable. Solid. My family also plays a huge part. I am constantly aware that I am being watched, scrutinized, and sometimes idolized by my younger siblings. I don't want to mislead them. They keep me stable. It is important to have healthy 'gravity' in our lives.

However, there is unhealthy 'gravity' too. It may keep us solid, but it keeps us so solid that we don't get to go anywhere or do anything. There is no growth. It could be work, drugs, family, etc. I will come clean here and tell you that my most unhealthy 'gravity' is my fear. The fears of my past haunt me, incessantly. They hold me in such a vice grip that it is almost impossible to move forward and let go.

But I fight it! And I fly, anyway, despite being an average human....

What is the 'gravity' in your life?

May the Frets be with you!


Please take some time to check out the other blogs participating in the September challenge!

http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/

http://diaryofamotorhead.wordpress.com/

http://rsliwa.wordpress.com/

http://squeezingthefruit.blogspot.com/

http://heidibethbaker.weebly.com/blog/ages

Frightful Slumber

Thunder crashed within the night
And tore me from my dreams.
The rage it seethed filled me with fright,
As the metal lightening gleamed.
The rain came down in sharpened daggers,
Seeking destruction on the land.
With fear, my heart began to stagger
As I sought my lover's hand...
My beloved lay beside me,
Fair cheek pressed against my chest.
He appeared to dream quite soundly -
Completely undisturbed within his rest.
The thunder crashed, I grabbed him close
And weeped into his ear:
"Fair prince of mine, you love me so!
Please, do not leave me here!"
His strong arms came around me
And hugged me close against his frame
And cuddled me and held me
Til he whispered me my name:
"Sweet Nightingale," he spoke soothingly
"Please don't tremble at the storm.
I will not let it hurt you, lovely,
I will keep you safe and warm.
And please remember this, my sweet,
Though I depart for a little time,
I promise I will not leave
How can I? You possess my heart and mind."
So he held me til the storm subsided
And once again I dreamed.
"There is no need to be frightened."
My beloved softly breathed.
And so we two in warm embrace
Slept soundly the night through.
Naught disturbed our time and space
And I knew your love was true...


....


Sweet Prince of mine, be patient please
My past keeps catching up.
As we both know, I scare easily
And it is hard for me to stop.

But if I can see your smiling face
And hold your trusting hand,
I will walk with honor through these days
And I will find the strength to stand...

.....

Please take some time to check out other blogs participating in the September challenge!

http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/

http://diaryofamotorhead.wordpress.com/

http://rsliwa.wordpress.com/

http://squeezingthefruit.blogspot.com/

http://heidibethbaker.weebly.com/blog/ages

Exhaustion

Unfortunately, I missed yesterday's blog post which covered the letter 'D'.

Today I find myself staring at a blinking line on my blog draft. This little line is waiting for me to type something.

Exhaustion.

That's the only thing I find myself typing.

At this moment in time, I feel nothing but defeat, betrayal, disappointment...exhaustion. My heart is heavy for words that do not come.

I have striven so hard for something, and what was it for? What is going to be remembered? My loyalty and dependability? The extra mile? The support?

Nope.

Well, maybe.

It will be remembered by the people who meant something and who watched me struggle alongside them. They know. They watched it all.

Maybe this exhaustion is worth it, after all.

Exhaust yourself for the right people.

Clocks

'BEEP BEEP BEEP!'

The obnoxious ringing emanating from my cellphone awakens me from my curious dreams. I slothfully roll over, activate the sleep mode, and close my bleary eyelids for ten more min....

'BEEP BEEP BEEP!'

Time to get up, and start the day. I have to get to work on time. I have to....

'BEEP BEEP BEEP!'

I hazily look at the time which registers at 5:00am. Time to get up. I forcibly raise my tired frame from the warmth of my luscious pillows and blankets. Time to get going. After all, that's what the clock says...

...

"My mother keeps harping at me, Lilly! When am I gonna have a child? When am I gonna make her a grandma? I'm not getting any younger. And we try and try but nothing happens! I don't have time for this! I am thirty years old now, and I should be holding a beautiful bouncy baby in my arms. That's what the clock says!"

...

"They are disappointed in me because I haven't graduated yet. I should have graduated last year, but I took that internship at the museum...they are still pissed about that one. But how can I tell them that I want to do something different? I don't want to be a doctor, I want to study history and be a professor! I don't want to stay in one place, I want to discover and learn and find things and travel while I am learning. But my father's patience is running out and  every time I see him, he taps his watch and tells me where my future lies. According to his clock, I am out of time..."

...

"My time has run out, it's ending now. The doctor says it will be really rough but that eventually I will just breathe out and pass. What's hardest is hearing the stifled whispers of my kids and grandkids when they come to see me. I can hear them outside my door asking how they should act or what they should say. Don't they know I just want them near me? I just want to hear them say they love me? That's all that matters now, it seems. So many regrets...so many blessings...I wish I had more time. I would give anything for just a little more time...but my clock isn't going to wind back up in the morning..."

...

All of our lives are spent revolving around time. Whether we admit to it or not, almost everything that we do is something we had to 'make' time for. This 'making time' ploy is exactly what gets us in to trouble. We will 'make time' for it another day. We will 'make time' for it later. People, there is no such thing as 'making time'. Time is it's own being. It cannot be stopped, swayed, startled, or created. We cannot make time! What we can do, however, is to make the most of the time we have. Don't wait until later, do it now! Now is all you have. There is nothing wrong with planning, scheduling, and saving, but if that is all you are doing then you are wasting your time. Where is there room for spontaneity? You can't plan that! Where is there room for creativity? You can't plan creativity!

More importantly, is there room for love? Can you plan love? Will you love your child or your spouse later, when there is time?
I urge you all to take some time every day or every week and shut off your clocks. Spend it with someone you love, or a hobby you adore. 'Make time' for something NOW!

Now is what you will remember, not something you will 'make time' for in the future...

May the Frets be with you.

Please take some time to check out the other blogs participating in the September challenge!

http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/

http://diaryofamotorhead.wordpress.com/

http://rsliwa.wordpress.com/

http://squeezingthefruit.blogspot.com/

http://heidibethbaker.weebly.com/blog/ages

Bonding

My fiance is a huge gamer. He plays everything from ps3 and Xbox 360 to super Nintendo and the original NES system. While I too enjoy gaming, I was never into it as much until we started dating. However, in his incessant need to monologue every game he has played in painful detail to me, something must have hit home.

Most couples I know enjoy date nights. I mean, who wouldn't? Go to dinner, see a movie, go bowling or maybe mini golfing. Yea, I remember those days. We used to do those things too. I know for some couples that's what gives them together time.

My fiance is my best friend. There is no equal. There is no one else I want to call first when I have good news or I am upset. There is no one else I would rather travel with, work with, or plan a future with. With him, I can truly display the raw skin of who I really am. There are no lies, no secrets, no masks or deception. He accepts me for me - all of me! And it goes the other way for him, as well.

Recently, he and I downloaded 'Super Metroid' onto our Wii. It is a super Nintendo game, and one I played with my mom and brothers when I was younger. I had not seen it in years. Like giddy children on Christmas morning, we scavenged the walmarts in our area trying to find the point card we needed. In agonizing impatience we watched the download bar on our tv screen. We high-fived and squealed when it was marked complete. My fiance could barely stand to wait - it was all he talked about all week! Yet, when the icon popped up on our homepage he took the remote...and gave it to me.

Because of some circumstances in my past, I do not have anything from my childhood. It has been something that has been hard for me to accept and deal with. Here, with this silly game, I was about regain something from my youth, and my fiance knew it. He handed me the remote and said, teasingly:

'Show me what ya' got, babe!'

Our jobs are demanding and even though I am coming home to work, we still will have plenty of time apart. At the end of the day it is so comforting to lay on the bed side by side,controller in hand, encouraging each other on, and occasionally looking up cheats on the internet. This is our bonding time at the end of the day, and how we relax.

I wouldn't have it any other way, and I would gladly forfeit any time out to instead be by his side.

May the Frets be with you.


Please check out some other blogs participating in the September challenge!

http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/2014/09/02/beauty-in-brokenness/

Apples and Acceptance

I have been going through a difficult stage in my life. I am quitting my current job which I have held for 3 years, and I am coming home to work in the family business. This seems simple enough, but the drama and conflicting emotions go so much deeper than the average person can see. If one was to dissect my job experience and compare it to my new venture, of course the decision would be clear-cut and driven. Of course they would see where the future truly lies. However, as much as we may wish it so, life is not clear cut.

I currently hold a management position at McDonalds. I love my job. I love the customers and the crew. I love excelling and creating those 'golden moments' that people look for behind the golden arches. I like handing coffee to a regular and hearing him joke that he doesn't need sugar because I make it sweet enough. I love hearing kids tell me they want to work there someday, after I dig through the toys to find the one they want. I love getting to know my crew as individuals and seeing them as the people they are - not just the numbers. I love walking into my restaurant and hearing a chorus of voices exclaim:

"Yay! Ravven is here!"

Now that you have rolled your eyes and murmured to yourself that it is 'just McDonalds', I would like to explain that it is one of the hardest jobs I have held. The hours are demanding, the work is fast paced and  strenuous, the customer complaints are harsh, and the responsibility of upholding the golden standards can be exhausting and exceedingly stressful. I often come home venting about some crew person calling off last minute, how we were understaffed and ill prepared, that the management team didn't work well together, or that a customer reamed me out for something that was not my fault. Sometimes my fiance has to calm me down and remind me that he is not McDonalds.

My fiance's family runs a beautiful apple orchard. I have lived with them for two years now and I have never in my life lived somewhere so serene and loving. They pick all their apples, sell them, deliver them, and run a store that is filled with curious spices, interesting jams, delectable cheeses, mouthwatering candies, and of course 26 beautiful varieties of apples. I have helped on the farm here and there, picking apples (often times tripping over the fallen ones), weighing product, cutting cheeses, baking pies, and watching the store. I love this place more than anything. I never feel stressed or tired or put out. Most importantly, I never feel alone or unappreciated. I get to work alongside my fiance and his family. Most women say they could never work with their significant other - but I can't imagine it any other way.

My fiance has to decide if taking on the family business is something he wants to do. It is a venture we must do together - a building block in the foundation of our future. This is a huge thing for us. So, after many weeks of thought, we decided that to fully understand the business, we needed to delve into it and really be a part of it. Since the season is just starting, it is a perfect time to jump in. I wrote out my two weeks, handed it in...

When I first started at McDonalds, I was very depressed. I had gone through some serious life changing milestones. I didn't talk. I hardly socialized. I just worked and came home. It was the people I worked with there everyday that made me open up and talk. I remember I was a mouse and one lady told me, 'Be loud! Get the customers attention! You have a beautiful smile, so smile big!' She made me laugh. Little by little, I made friends and grew as a person. I truly blossomed, becoming bubbly and open. I was truly happy to be at work - even on the bad days.

Despite the problems that I have recently faced at my job, I have a lot to thank McDonalds for. It was my second home and the people are what made it so interesting. McDonalds is the melting pot of the fast food world. Everyone works at McDonalds - people from every background and town. I have made friends with people I never thought I would. I have heard so many stories and learned so much about the human nature and the common struggles that we all go through. It opened my eyes and stirred the compassion in my heart. I realized that you never really know what is going on in someone's life. Working there taught me that sometimes your smile is the only smile someone might see that day. It taught me that having pride in what you do is not shameful and wanting to excel was not arrogant.

My last day is September 5th which, ironically, is the first day I started. I know for sure it is time to move on, not just by the changes in the store and in my home, but also because it lands so perfectly on my anniversary. Closure. It is not easy to walk into work and here my name in excited chorus followed up with, 'I can't believe you are leaving us! Please don't go, you are one of the only reasons I come to work!' Nor is it easy to listen to other people say that I am giving up and throwing away my future...

I thought once that I wanted McDonalds to be my life. One day, in the middle of a ten hour shift, after getting my ass kicked, I checked my phone and there was a text message from my fiance that read:

"Baby, are you ok? I haven't heard from you and I thought you got off two hours ago. Please text me back, I am really worried!"


I realized then that my future was not McDonalds, my future was waiting at home wondering where I was and if I was coming home. My mother told me once to always run towards my future, run run run and don't ever look back.

I wrote out my two weeks and handed it in. I am running toward my future and trying not to trip on the apples. As hard as it is to let go, I have accepted the fact that I have completed what I needed to do at McDonalds and learned what I needed to learn. Just because a situation seems like a forever thing, doesn't mean it is. And that's ok. There are other stories to hear, new projects to complete and beautiful new people to befriend and learn from.


I can't give you cheeseburgers, but I can give you apples. Come eat some apples with me and tell me your stories.

September!

Hello everyone! It has been quite some time since I updated this beautiful blog of mine. I intend on fixing that by participating in the A-Z September blogging challenge. Every day except Sunday, my
fellow bloggers and I will post a chapter daily, following our way down the alphabet. Support is more than welcome! Feel free to join in as well!

I look forward to hearing from all of you - readers and bloggers alike!

http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/2014/08/26/the-a-z-september-blogging-challenge/

May the Frets be with you!