As a child, I was taught that 'hate' was a four letter word. That it was wrong to hate and it was wrong to say it flippantly. As a small child, I didn't understand what hate actually was. I perceived it as being 'a strong dislike'. I didn't understand why it would be wrong to say that I 'hated' something..
When I was 13, I sat on our back hall stairs, sobbed into my arms, and screamed that I hated myself.
And when I cut myself for the first time, I screamed that everyone hated me.
And when my stepfather forced me on my knees and called me rat, I silently cried that I deserved to be hated.
And when he finally let me go inside, after he finished ripping out my insides, I cried because I hated being alive.
Hate is not a four letter word. A four letter word is something you say when you are upset or because you want emphasis. When I said hate, it is because I believed it.
Now, you may be thinking, 'What about when you say you hate your job? Or you hate your life? Or you hate some person. Usually, you are just saying that for emphasis!'
Truth. And this is where I caution you.
People will tell you all the time that you should never hate and that it is wrong to have that in your life. The truth is, you are going to hate things. It is normal. It is a part of life, a part of sorrow. We are all going to hate something or, sometimes, someone. Where the negativity comes into play is how you choose to deal with that hate, that feeling you carry. That is the destructive part - not the actual feeling! If you hate something but refuse to let it destroy you or manipulate you, then you are doing it right. However, when you let the hate breed and smolder and allow it to become revenge and bitter regret, that is where it becomes wrong.
Think carefully before you speak out, especially in anger. Save your words and save yourself. Don't say you hate your job if you don't really believe that - that fuels resentment. Don't say you hate something just because you want to use a strong word - that breeds discontent and hard feelings. And don't ever say you hate someone just because you are distressed - that destroys faith and trust and causes you to become a little more jaded.
It would be nice to live a life without hate. For me, the hate I have felt in my life was caused by things that happened to me - it was a part of me for a long time. To a degree, it still is. Ultimately, I chose to hate and I chose to forgive.
This is a delicate subject for me. I know plenty of people with good intentions who would explain to me that I should not hate and that there is no need for it. While I appreciate and understand their point of view, I insist that hate has a place. I hated being beaten, so I fought it. I hated being trapped, so I rebelled. I hated being hidden, so I learned to shine.
I hated being broken, so I learned how to bend.
I hated feeling so much hate, so I learned how to forgive.
Like anything in life, hate must be used in moderation and consideration. It can be a positive thing - a tool to become a more enlightened, positive person.
IF it is used correctly.
What role does hate play in your life? How do you view it?
May the Frets be with you.
Please take some time to check out the other blogs participating in the September challenge!
http://hangingoutandin.wordpress.com/
http://diaryofamotorhead.wordpress.com/
http://rsliwa.wordpress.com/
http://squeezingthefruit.blogspot.com/
http://heidibethbaker.weebly.com/blog/ages
This was great. I know exactly what you mean. I try not to hate destructively in my life. DO NOT hate yourself. You are loved. God loves you and will protect you. I enjoyed reading your blog.
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